About Us

 At Free Indeed Ministries Inc., our focus is on restoration and healing of sexual brokenness. We are a non-profit organization.

We have a support group that meets every Thursday night at 7PM.

There is one on one Prayer Ministry by appointment.

We are also available for speaking engagements, TV and radio interviews.

Ronald and Barbara Swallow have been involved in Christian ministry for thirty nine years and are co-directors of Free Indeed. They have appeared on national and local television, including TBN, Praise the Lord, Life Today hosted by James and Betty Robison and God Answers Prayer hosted by Blackie Gonzales. Their radio interviews include Focus On the Family with Dr. James Dobson and Albuquerque's own Family Life Radio.

 


Testimonials

Dave's story

I remember sitting in the bleachers, not watching or even caring about the game at 12 years old. I was watching the 'older' men...who were maybe 16. So impressed at their ease with their classmates, and most of all their good looks...I wanted to be like them when I grew up. As I did sort of grow up I was disappointed to see only a boy in the mirror: incredibly inadequate, skinny, hopelessly lacking masculinity, a science geek in an era when that was not cool. Growing up in the 70s with fashionably long hair didn't help. I looked at other men from afar and my admiration became intensely arousing. I told a doctor I clearly didn't have enough testosterone. He examined me and assured me that I was entirely normal. I was not assured. I admitted that I had no attraction to girls. He told me he had no attraction to sushi...until he tried it. So I found a girl who was willing and gave it a try. At last! I'm a man...except I was not. Our physical bond soon became an exercise in hydraulics. I had no idea how to relate to a woman except as a son. I felt controlled by her and eventually started fantasizing about other men while with her. Women had been my only friends for most of my life but I suddenly found myself angry with all of them. At this point I got counseling and found Ron and Barbara at Free Indeed.

Now things were getting real. I was amazed to find other men dealing with my issues who grew up in families like mine: my father worked very hard and was not around most of the time. I never really connected with him. Meanwhile I over connected with my mother, who was probably starved for attention herself. I had few male friends as a child and considered myself vaguely 'superior' to the other boys my age…as many of the girls did. I laugh about that now. I somehow made it into adulthood having no idea who I was! Now it is clear my 'attraction' to other men was in fact seeing a part of my unknown self in them. After spending my childhood, essentially as 'one of the girls'...I had to start the slow process of connecting with those of my own gender to discover who I was not. I found that men have an amazing generosity. They are open and willing to share with anyone who asks. I learned how to be a friend and found that in fact, I had way more in common with the men than the women. I may've been more sensitive as a child but now I find that I am easily 'one of the guys' and as human and focused and goofy as they are.  The women I thought I understood seem far more mysterious now.

I had more faith in science than in God. I now look back and realize that he was with me even then, leading me gently to him, showing himself in a thousand ways through his good people, helping me to find myself and the gifts he had given me. He touched me most profoundly through the very weakness I was sure would make me entirely unacceptable to him.  I now see no conflict between the laws of science and the creator of those laws. I appreciate him even more as I contemplate them and thank him every day of my life for showing me the way.

We all search for the authentic in a modern manufactured world. Just about anything can seem believable if you want it bad enough! We may have constructed a much more complicated version of ‘reality’ just to make the best of our dysfunctional families. A small number of people have discovered a deeper truth about themselves that has enormous implications. It is a so simple a child can understand. Many can join us. This is your invitation.


Lisa’s Testimony

 

I am from a single mother home, and my parents were never married. My mom worked like a dog to put food on the table, but I grew up feeling lost and alone and very much abandoned.  After living an ungodly life of drug abuse and sexual promiscuity, the Lord chose to save me and change my life. I have served Him faithfully for 8 years however, there were areas in my life that were not under submission to Him.
 
Through this ministry, I was taken to a very painful memory and realization that I was raped in infancy. I had a very difficult time believing that something so painful and horrible could happen to someone so young, let alone happen to me. I felt feelings of shame, hatred, anger, bitterness, abandonment, fear, and worthlessness. It was so hard to relive such a painful thing until the Lord began to speak truth. His Truth. He cleaned me and wrapped me in a blanket. Then He held me and bounced me and gave me a pacifier. He began to tell me…” Oh, sweet baby, don’t cry…don’t cry.” He spoke: “ I am so sorry that this happened to you. You are not defiled you are clean. You are not abandoned. I am here. You will not live tormented and tainted. I have set you free. I will bring this good work to completion.”
 
I had been gripped by fear for so much of my life, fear of man, fear of failure, just fear in general, but the Lord then placed me on the bed. The room was filled with unclean spirits, but none were able to touch me or come near me. Then the Lord spoke, or should I say shouted,” IAM YOUR HEDGE! I AM YOUR PROTECTION! “ With those words, all fear, shame, the abandonment, worthlessness, anger, and hatred and all the other lies lost their power.

The Lord has set me free. Thank you, God for loving me and never leaving or forsaking me.

       Lisa   


Let's do this right now


A letter for any of our readers dealing with  unwanted same sex attractions, inspired by one of our members who had hundreds of initially exciting but ultimately depressing encounters with other men.

Men dealing with this issue are often at war with themselves. One of the cool things about men generally is that we can get incredibly focused. I think God gave us that focus and civilization could not have been built without it. The same single-minded focus also powers 'addiction'. A different way of looking at a sex obsessed state of mind is that of a man well focused. An admirable, quality, actually, if you can see it that way. Could it be that part of you is even demanding a little respect?

I worked closely with a boss years ago who struggled with alcoholism. I couldn't help noticing how critical and nasty his wife could be. Curiously, when he married a nicer woman, the urge to drink went away. I can't help thinking that for those of us dealing with this issue, the critical, nasty thing from which we seek to escape is in our own thinking. What really needs to be argued with is the condemning and shaming of our God-given sexual
response. It's so easy to use religion to justify it. "That's a sin"! In fact we are all sinners. It seems to me that God gave us sexuality as a powerful way to grow. It's only a symbol that leads us to what we need to become whole. Acting on it without real wisdom obviously gets us nowhere. Could it be that the intense fantasy of embracing the man you met was a hope that you could embrace yourself with love rather than self loathing?

Let us pray that God can step into your memories and speak truth into any lies you may have innocently come to believe about yourself.

 


a few notes on pornography... Beautiful chocolate pornography! Exclamation points...and yet I'm conflicted, thinking at least 10 pounds of my body weight, the unattractive ones I can see when I look down, are from chocolate. I went for the cheap and easy kind. It probably is increasing my cholesterol, not to mention tooth decay, blood sugar. And yet I want it anyway. Suddenly I get very focused: never mind those unpleasant things...I want chocolate and I want it now. OK, I'm in denial: it's probably 20 pounds of belly fat, maybe 30...can't even see my own junk when I'm standing up. What a 'modern' problem. I read that in the early 1900s, chocolate was a once a year treat and most people could only afford a single piece of it. Then I think of this showing up on the internet for all to see...feeling guilt, shame. God, who sees everything anyway, what must he think of me? I wonder if he laughs at all of that. He is merciful and kind. He is not the author of shame. He created us with all our appetites and pronounced it all good. I am not a bible scholar so I can only speculate that he wrote the law about adultery and the directive on men not laying with men not as a way to oppress and shame us...but as a way to keep us happy and healthy. It was out of love, not restriction or punishment. He wants the best for us. If I understand correctly there is not a single mention of masturbation anywhere in the scripture, to get to the point of this letter. I can appreciate what you described between the actors as beautiful...and yet I see the love of a man and a woman as even more beautiful. The design of it...everything fits. We are made for each other. Could it be that our addiction to sex is a very positive thing? Men and women are so different it may be the only thing that keeps the young ones together on a bad day. Meanwhile, the film you described seems to me for an entirely different need. For myself, I was so in my head I didn't even understand myself as a man...the only way to connect to that part of myself seemed to be through someone else. Another modern problem! In the past, men traveled in groups, worked, bathed, ate together fairly intimately until they were probably sick of each other...and yet each man knew that he was like the others and was strengthened by them. Too much chocolate...not enough healthy contact with our fellow man. Closing browser on the (brand redacted) chocolate site...when I have real food the chocolate is not so compelling. Still thankful for a computer that enabled me to write too much so easily. Thanks for reading. And for inspiring me to write. --Dave